Before I humbly share the best of what 20 things a couple can do to strengthen a marriage, I must tell you that most marriages will achieve the greatest benefits when either one of you do “self” work within the context of your marriage. Self-work, along with basic marriage training is, not coincidently, the first part of our marriage help courses which is ideal for marriages in serious trouble. Over the decades our simple systematized approach has proved to be universally applicable to those who need marriage-help, and who doesn’t? What I share now is easily digested. Good marriage help tips are commonsensical, and simple to remember and use, so here you are. You can share this on social media if you think it’s worthwhile. If you are a regular subscriber to my videos channel, you will like them.
Improving one’s marriage is about positives, not fixing broken stuff. All 20 of these marriage-help tips are based on universal principles, science, and our experience. We have saved thousands of marriages. The principles are everyday practical to get your marriage on the right path to happiness. The usual marriage advice we are all bombarded with from TV, movies, and Western psychology “experts”, is all about what to do when this or that is bad. That is going in the wrong direction. We marry for happiness, love, and harmony. Replace the bad with the good and don’t worry about unraveling or analyzing.
If your marriage is in rough shape, I suggest you look at our reviews. We have so many! Here is one testimonial from one who took the course for men. We also have a course for women.
“I would like to start by saying thank you to Paul and his team… this has been a lifechanging experience that has opened my eyes not only to my faults, but to the pain and hurt I’ve caused over my 22 years since I met my wife… the ability to gain control of my mind and view things from a different perspective and bring back positivity not only into my life but of all those around me… I am still very much a work in progress, as is my marriage, but now knowing the “why” I can constantly work on the how and action it… no matter what happens this has changed my life for the better… thanks again.”
I offer these “what 20 things a couple can do to strengthen a marriage” so you see your marriage as your spiritual path pursuing the deepest love, as you enjoy your life together.
- Remind yourself of the joy you felt when you realized they are the one. There is a common myth that as your marriage ages the infatuation will naturally fade. It is just not true! Your marriage should be ever-increasingly happier and more loving. Where you direct your mind is where it will go. It makes no difference how busy your lives are, how many kids you have, what troubles befall you or… You will be happier by keeping your wife or your husband ‘front of mind and heart’, as the light in your life. The mind likes “new and improved” but the soul is content with steadily ever-expanding love.
- See your soulmate’s better qualities and tell them, often. Everyone is entitled to a bit of flattery and flattering is part of what builds bridges of communication, happy communication. Tell your soulmate that you recognize their noble qualities. Praise them. It’s not as unnecessary as some imagine. On the contrary, the connection is, in large part, this kind of supportive communication. Some say, “But what if I’m mad at them?” Then shift your thinking (part of the self-work I was talking about) and put yourself into the right mental state. Raise yourself to the love that is the basis of your marriage.
- Always be receptive to their ideas. You won’t always agree with them and sometimes you “know” that you don’t like what they say or insinuate. Now, just as an experiment, try changing your initial response from a cautionary to a “tell me more” posture. It doesn’t mean that you are acquiescing to what you might think is a demand, or just a bad idea. It means that you are not putting up a wall and that’s what is most important. This user-friendly approach allows for positive discussion and learning for both of you. Think about it, I could easily have said “don’t put up walls” but expressing things in a “positive” way is always easier on them and yourself.
- Be more “touchy-feely”. There are 3 ways to build a connection. One is with words, another is with your thoughts, and often the most acknowledged connecting device is with touch. When it leads to more lovemaking that’s even better. But don’t start with that in mind. Start with offering your lover your touch, not touching to satisfy your sexual “needs” but to satisfy both of your hearts’ needs.
- Choose love over anger.
Snip anger in the bud. This is basic. Eliminating anger is essential for each of us, not just managing anger, eliminating it. It’s not manly to get mad at your wife, it’s lame. Neither is it a woman’s right to be annoyed or frustrated. Venting is completely inappropriate no matter what. Where there is anger there can be no sense or awareness of love. You cannot feel love and anger simultaneously, so it is a matter of choosing love over anger. Never put anger ahead of love. - Show an interest. This one is so great because what is important to our soulmate is important to us even if we don’t think so at the moment. Their interests define them in many ways. Be interested and watch how they light up when you care. Your mind may fight this so be determined even when it feels difficult.
- Appreciate your true love’s enjoyments that don’t always include you. It is okay when your partner is not so interested in what interests you. This flip side to being interested in their interests means we should overcome our sensitivities. Allow your soulmate to be themselves – even if we feel left out. We are different from each other. Understanding is necessary at times. This is about when your wife is staring off into space as you explain why a turbo charger is so important for your new car, or when you are saying how lovely this dress is and when you will wear it and your husband is nodding like he is not there.
- Be kind. This worked for Cub Scouts, Boy scouts, and Girl Scouts, and it works for marriage, too. Kindness is of the heart and marriage is of the heart; perfect fit.
- Laugh it off.
The idea of taking things seriously is way too serious. Step back when negating emotions attack you. It is a better way for you to live, in general. But it is really going to make a difference for your marriage if you laugh things off. Sometimes we are hit with something where you think “Not this time” but that’s when we stretch ourselves and become better people. - Smile. You know the saying “When you smile the whole world smiles with you and when you have a sour puss the whole world avoids you like a skunk”. Your soulmate is the one you want to smile with so smile when you see them. It’s like blowing them a kiss. So, turn that frown upside down.
- Complement each other every chance you get. It is an act of love to acknowledge your wife’s or husband’s achievements, small or large. And, in keeping with that practice of complimenting is an easy habit to develop because you are so much in love.
- Always see their goodness. NEVER point out a flaw, error, or anything that will not make them happy. Your marriage is a sacred space of love and harmony, so pour in sweetness and throw away the toxins.
- Share your happy experiences. Only be negative about negativity. You don’t need to gossip or complain when there is so much beauty that catches your eye. Let them know how you see the beauty of the sky or how sweet the sound of the birds is to you.
- Make your lovemaking about love.
The world is material so it’s natural but unfortunate that sex has become a form of entertainment, recreation, and release. But your marriage is Holy. Make your lovemaking about love. Open your heart, feel each other’s hearts, and let the love flow from your hearts. - Be loyal and conservative. Avoid interacting with the opposite gender. This is a tough one in the world of pushed homogenization of genders but forget that nonsense and be aware that your whole focus should be where the greatest happiness is, with your wife or husband. Avoiding interactions in all venues is the goal. Do your best.
- Strive to connect with God. In my “opinion,” it was He who brought you together and it is He who will keep you in happy-land. So, speaking with your Father about anything and everything just makes sense. One of my favorite prayers is “I will reason, I will, and I will act. Guide thou my reason will and activity to the right thing I should do.”
- Remember important dates. It is good to keep monthsaries (my spell check wants it to be Months Aries, but we will ignore that 😊) because celebrating love big time once a month is very cool.
- Put your lover first.
Your soulmate will be with you when your kids are out and away. I know it’s hard to believe, but kids move on even if you need to kick them out. Always put your wife or husband ahead of your kids, and especially always support their idea of how to raise them…no matter how bad it seems at the moment. They love the brats as much as you and will come around if they see they were wrong. - Cultivate your love for them. I bet you never heard that before! We all have free will and volition. Use them for the greatest happiness, love. Emotional love is okay, but it is not the real deal. Soul love for your Soul mate.
- Make loving your soulmate your agenda and goal. Never allow your mind to betray your love with your soulmate. The mind is a great servant, or too often is a tricky enemy so we must remain in the space of love and joy if we are to make the most of this life and marriage. It’s up to you what your mind is allowed so never let it take you off the track of happiness.
God is hiding behind everything in His creation, but we can see Him by His love and joy in our marriage. The above 20 will improve your marriage. Marriage was not some evolutionary accident or something. He wants you and your spouse to be as happy as He is. If you don’t feel that love and happiness it’s not because it’s absent, you are. Step back, take a breath, and get back on track. It’s all good. It’s all love.
As a special little bonus, I want to share this YouTube video I created